Organic Parenting

ABSTRACT: This article analyzes the parenting characteristics of organic societies—natural, simple, nonviolent societies—and thereby seeks to identify the differences between childcaring¹ practices that encourage violence and those that foster cooperation. A model of organic parenting based on fifteen core elements is presented; the intent is to address the gap in primal theory concerning what constitutes a truly healthy child development. Examples from societies such as the Mbuti, !Kung, Fore, Kaingang, Arapesh, Netsilik, and others show a striking contrast to normal Western practices in the amount of respect and indulgence afforded children, at all stages and in all aspects of childcaring studied. All such parenting practices are founded on an unconditional love and trust in the child—which is an acceptance of children by their parents and other adults that does not depend upon specific behavior on the child's part.²

Introduction

This article attempts to identify the differences between parenting practices that encourage the development of the violent potentialities within the human organism and those that foster cooperation. What follows is an analysis of the specific childcaring characteristics of nonviolent or "organic" societies. The use of the term organic here is loosely based on Murray Bookchin's (1982) concept of organic societies. He uses the term to denote a "spontaneously formed, noncoercive, and egalitarian society—a 'natural' society in the very definite sense that it emerges from innate human needs for association, interdependence, and care." Further, Bookchin uses it to describe "richly articulated communities that foster human sociability, free expression, and popular control." Organic parenting is, then, the particular style of childcaring practiced by these organic societies.

The childcaring practices of the different societies examined obviously differ somewhat. No society is completely nonviolent, and not every organic society strictly adheres to all the elements of organic parenting addressed below. What we have done is identify the general characteristics of this type of childcaring and thereby create a model of organic parenting based on fifteen core elements. This is presented here as only one possible model for a developmental theory aimed at filling the gap in primal theory identified by Tomas Videgard (1988):

By presenting our model, we hope to stress the need for such a developmental theory and thereby spark discussion in this direction. We begin by listing the fifteen core elements that appear to characterize organic childcaring. We follow this with examples and a description of each, in turn, highlighted at times by contrast with the "normal" practices in our own culture. We end by listing these elements alongside the "malignant childrearing" elements that appear to be associated with industrialized societies like our own.

Positive Prenatal Relationship

A positive prenatal relationship is a relationship between a mother and her unborn child that is characterized by feelings of acceptance, respect, and love by the mother towards the child. Also, there is a conscious understanding of the child as a living, feeling, and emotional being. This relationship is greatly enhanced by those who play a supportive role in the mother's emotional and physical well-being. Some practical expressions of this relationship are: the mother's addressing, talking, and singing to the baby; music played for the baby; massaging of the mother's belly; dancing "with" the baby; and eating particular foods especially for the baby.

That a mother's emotional state and acceptance of her baby affects prenatal development has been shown by many researchers. Thomas Verny (1981) writes that "what matters most is the way [a mother] feels about her unborn child. Her thoughts and feelings are the material out of which the unborn child fashions himself. When they are positive and nurturing, the child can...withstand shocks from almost any quarter" (p. 47). Similarly, Montagu (1964) writes, "This much is clear: the emotions of a pregnant woman do have an effect on her child" (p. 167).

The Mbuti of Zaire understand this well. Mbuti women will, for example, decorate their bodies with special leaves and flowers to honor their body, the child within, and the event that has yet to take place. During the last trimester, they also spend time alone "with their babies" (yet unborn), in a special spot of the forest which the mother has chosen specifically for her baby. Mothers will make the trip to the special spot with more regularity as the birth nears. They create special songs for their individual babies, which they sing to their child within the womb.

The Mbuti experience wonderfully illustrates what we have termed positive prenatal influence. This is also true, to a certain extent, of other nonliterate, nonviolent, organic societies. This is not normally the experience in our society, however. While technology has made it possible for women to know that they are pregnant within a week of a missed period, women generally do not accept their babies as alive—in the widest sense of the term—or as "present." It is common for the womb-child to be referred to as the "baby" but this is usually done with reference to the future. "The Baby" is thought of as the seven- or eight-pound child, eight or nine months down the road. It is quite rare for women in our culture to address their unborn babies in the here and now as live, impressionable, fully feeling beings, as Mbuti mothers obviously do.

Mother-Child-Centered Birth

A mother-child-centered birth is one in which the natural mother-child rhythms are trusted and followed. This is characterized by: (1) the respecting of the mother's wishes to follow the messages of her body to either walk, squat, sit, stand, lie, drink, eat, sing, scream, and so on; and (2) treating the child with tender loving care, respecting his or her sensitivity to a new and comparatively harsh environment. This includes the child's sensitivity to light, sound, touch, temperature, smell, and so forth.

Again, the Mbuti provide a wonderful example of this. Prior to the birth of their children, Mbuti mothers select their favorite bark from a tree, usually at the child's special spot. This bark is worked into a piece of bark cloth which is "sweet smelling and clean and light in color. The smell should be pleasing to the infant" (Turnbull, 1983, p. 35). It is of utmost importance for the Mbuti mothers that this cloth be as smooth as possible since it will be used to cover the baby's back once it is born and placed on the mother's breast. It is also common for this cloth to be decorated with paint and beautified in other ways as well.

Mbuti childbirth and childbirth in other organic societies follow the rhythms and desires of the mother and the child. The births are carried out on the basis of what experience has taught them. When they notice that light seems to bother an infant because the infant squints and cries, they simply see to it that all direct light is blocked. We in this society, on the other hand, lack this awareness. Instead, we are governed by what is best and, sadly, easiest for the adults involved—the mother not being considered an adult in this sense since she is seen as part of the "problem."

Active Mother-Infant Bonding

This bonding is a process by which the unique mother-infant relationship—characterized by fondling, kissing, cuddling, prolonged gazing on the mother's part, and the emotional attachment to the mother by the infant—is purposefully encouraged. That is, there is an active attempt to provide an environment conducive to the bonding process. For example, the child is immediately passed to the mother by the birth attendant; the child is immediately put to the breast; the mother-child relationship is the focus of that environment.

This type of bonding is found in most nonliterate societies. Again, the emphasis here is on the fact that in these societies the infant's desires are respected. From experience they have learned that the infant prefers to nurse as soon as possible after birth, so they see to it that this takes place. The Mbuti follow the rhythms of the mother and child to such an extent that they claim that the mother and child jointly decide when visitors would be welcome. The child is not presented to the rest of the camp for a period of two to three days, during which time the child "explores its mother's body, feels her warmth, tries the new and satisfying experience of drinking its mother's milk, all the while being reassured by the familiar sounds of her voice, singing the newborn's own special lullaby, rocking in a familiar rhythm" (Turnbull, 1983, p. 37).

Much has been written about our society's distortion of this vital process (Klaus, 1983; Leboyer, 1980; Janov, 1983). The mere fact that there exist in our modern hospitals special nurseries for the babies and separate rooms for mothers demonstrates how deaf we have become to the cries of children.

Positive Family Adjustment

This adjustment refers to the process by which the father of the child, siblings, grandparents, and other family members bond with the new infant and actively support the mother-infant relationship and the new family structure.

The same process that takes place in terms of mother-infant bonding as was described above is essential to the father-child and sibling bondings. This process, however, takes a secondary role to that of the mother-infant bonding because of the importance of their breastfeeding relationship and the fact that the child "knows" and is most secure with its mother. Still, without interfering in this primary process, the family-child bonding is given great importance in Mbuti life. "Wrapped in the sweet-smelling le'engbe (bark cloth)," the mother hands the child to "a few of her assembled family and close friends, not just to look at, but to hold close to their bodies" (Turnbull, 1983, p. 36). Thus, the infant begins to bond with its father, brothers, sisters, and other friends and relatives.

Also, part of what has been called "positive family adjustment" is the family's role of helping the mother-child bonding process. While there is often a special time set aside for family-infant bonding, there is a recognition of the primary importance of the mother-infant relationship.

This supportive role is contrasted in our society with the destructive role played by medical intervention. The father's supportive role is reduced to that of supporting the doctors and medical institution. Rather than support the mother-infant relationship, the fathers help the doctors by reassuring the mother that she is "in good hands." Within the hospital setting, the father- and family-infant bonding is reduced to half-hour viewings from behind a glass wall. What is the mother and child's decision as to when the rest of the family will be allowed "in," in organic societies, becomes in our complex society a decision made by the bureaucratic medical institution. Furthermore, when a child is introduced to the rest of its family in Mbuti society, its feelings are always respected. "If it is disconcerted enough to cry and protest, its mother immediately takes it back and puts it to her breast. Thus the initial model of predictability and security is reinforced" (Turnbull, 1983, p. 36). Whereas in our society a child's cries go unheard, and a feeling of the unpredictability of security is reinforced in the child.

Pleasurable Initiations

Pleasurable initiations refers to the customs, ceremonies, and rites performed at different stages of a child's life that are experienced as pleasure by the child. This is in contrast to the initiations of extreme patristic societies (e.g., including cranial deformation and flaying) and the "initiations" of Western societies (e.g., silver nitrate eye drops, p.k.u. testing, circumcision, first day of school). Examples of pleasurable initiations include warm baths for newborns and special singing and dancing ceremonies.

There are many examples of such initiations in organic societies. !Kung women take part in a "glorious celebration of a girl's passage from childhood to the beginning of womanhood" on the occasion of the adolescent's first menstruation (Van Der Post, 1985, p. 60). She is believed to have supernatural abilities at this time and is honored with dance, decoration, and paintings. She is made to feel very special and honored.

Quite often these initiations are not at all formal but, rather, occur as natural in the day-to-day lives of children. This is similar to the way silver nitrate drops are used routinely on newborns in our society. The word initiation is then used in this different sense. Underlying these customs in organic societies is a deep respect for the child, whereas in our society and other patristic societies there is a general abuse of children.

Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding in the organic sense refers specifically to breastfeeding which is regulated by the child. It begins immediately after birth, from which point it occurs on demand of the child, and ends when the child decides that she or he no longer wants to nurse.

Organic breastfeeding might be considered the cornerstone of organic childcaring. "The facts indeed indicate that breastfeeding constitutes a fundamental requirement for the human newborn" (Montagu, 1978a, p. 65). Among the !Kung, the Mbuti, and the Fore, every possible step is taken to support and encourage the breastfeeding relationship. Newborns are held by their mothers close to the breast so that the child has easy access at all times. No matter what is happening at the time, the mother will stop to nurse the child whenever the child gives the message. "!Kung babies are carried most of the time by their mothers, tied in a soft leather sling against their mother's side where they can easily reach their mother's breast. They nurse at will. !Kung women have excellent lactation. All the babies are plump" (Marshall in Montagu, 1978b, p. 254).

The concept of weaning as used in our society is often nonexistent in organic societies. The term wean comes from the Anglo-Saxon wenian, which means "to accustom." What is implied by this term is that someone, other than the child, must accustom the child to nourishment other than that of his or her mother's milk. This is not the experience of children in most nonviolent societies. Instead, in organic societies the child controls the entire process beginning from the first time it tastes solid foods to the last time it is nursed. The child usually takes one to four years to complete this process. Thus, fundamental to this "organic" concept of weaning is that the power and control lies not with the adult but with the child.

By contrast, in our society there are very few occasions where children do not have the power and control taken away from them. This is true in other aspects of the child's life but it especially characterizes the Western breastfeeding relationship and weaning process. In hospitals, newborns are removed from their mother's side and are allowed to nurse only when it suits the schedule. Even with the relatively new concept of "rooming in," the child is still separated from his or her mother—she being in one bed and the child in another. Doctors and other "experts" usually encourage bottled supplements to breastfeeding while still in the hospital and so the attack on breastfeeding begins. Despite its relatively new-found popularity, there is still little support for the breastfeeding relationship as compared with organic societies. What Robert Mendelsohn (1984) says about doctors—that they "either fail to encourage or actively discourage breastfeeding" (p. 20)—can be said generally about our industrial, "civilized" society.

Intentional and Loving Tactile Stimulation

This stimulation refers to the purposeful touching, caressing, and massaging of the child, which produces pleasureful physical sensations and communicates feelings of warmth, affection, tenderness, and love.

The largest organ system in the body—the skin—provides children with a great source of pleasure and has a great effect on the general physiology of the body. To perform its vital physiological function and to give pleasure the skin requires stimulation.

Among the Kaingang of Brazil, tactile stimulation is an integral part of their lives. Mothers hold their babies close to their breasts at all times, making skin-to-skin contact a constant event in the first nine months of a baby's life and a regular occurrence thereafter. It is common for them to show affection by hugging, stroking, caressing, and kissing. None of this is hidden but is simply a part of everyday life.

Besides receiving constant attention from adults, children will approach adults knowing that a gentle caress or cuddle will result. The Kaingang children have been described by Julius Henry (1964) as lying "like cats absorbing the delicious stroking of adults" (p. 18). Touching of this sort is also apparent in adult life: "Young men lie cheek to jowl, arms around one another, legs slung across bodies, for all the world like lovers in our own society. Sometimes they lie caressing that way in little knots of three and four" (Henry, 1964, p. 18). While this is not an overtly sexual activity for the Kaingang men, it is obviously a pleasurable experience.

Tactile stimulation of this type is a very common feature among organic societies. Usually it is a very informal behavior, but among some cultures there is a conscious understanding of its importance and special time is set aside for such stimulation. Many women in India spend a half hour or so a day massaging their babies with oils. The massage covers every centimeter of the body and is accompanied by singing and eye-to-eye contact. This is in addition to the tactile stimulation received by the baby throughout the day (Leboyer, 1986, p. 5).

Meanwhile in our hospital settings, newborns receive strikingly little tactile stimulation, particularly if they are not breastfed. Our infants are usually clothed or swaddled, and they spend a great deal of their time away from people. They sleep in cribs alone; they ride in strollers alone; they often even play alone (in playpens). A great deal of their contact is with toys, clothes, sheets, and stuffed animals—i.e., material objects. Whereas often in organic societies children touch, explore, and caress first their mothers' bodies, then their fathers' bodies and the bodies of other children; our children spend much of their time "manipulating" objects. This is perhaps one reason why our society knows so much about "things," while organic societies seem to know so much more about people.

Celebration of the Senses

This characteristic refers to an awareness on the part of the adults that honors the child's ability to see, hear, taste, smell, and feel.

More than anything else this requires that adults have the ability to "see" the world through the child's eyes. Whereas in our society there is a definite separation between the adult world and the world of children, in organic societies adults and children share most aspects of their lives. This sharing provides adults the awareness of the child's reality, and as a result there is a genuine understanding of what the child is experiencing and going through. Adults are highly in tune with a child's senses. They will often celebrate with the child the fact that he or she sees a butterfly or hears a waterfall. The child feels completely understood. When he or she points with excitement to the moon, adults not only acknowledge his or her discovery but celebrate the discovery along with them. Likewise, if the child becomes aware of a terrible smell, the adults show the child complete respect by saying, "oh yes, what a smell." This is perhaps the element of organic childcaring that we have strayed from the least. We nevertheless have much to learn from organic cultures in terms of the respect they show children. While we might acknowledge the child's discovery of the moon, we seldom completely join the child in his or her enthusiasm and celebration.

Contactful Sleeping Arrangements

This describes the practice of having a child sleep with his or her mother, father, and siblings. The key elements in this arrangement are the constant contact, the access to the breast, the learning of adult breathing patterns and security.

This type of sleeping arrangement is vital in that it is important for the child's self-regulation of breastfeeding, tactile stimulation, physical warmth, and the two-way communication of love between adult and child. Arapesh children of New Guinea are not only constantly being held, but they sleep in constant contact with their parents. Margaret Mead has cited the high degree of contact as being an extremely important influence in the caring of nonviolent children (Mead, 1935, p. 41).

Contactful sleeping plays yet another vital role. It provides a newborn with a model by which to pattern its breathing. The fact that breathing is a learned behavior has been demonstrated by Montagu and others. To be left alone in a crib, then, would not provide either the tactile stimulation which is important to breathing or the auditory stimulation. There is much research now being done on the connections between sudden-infant-death syndrome and this lack of stimulation. Montagu (1978a) writes,

One cannot help wondering whether the unexplained occurrence of "crib death"...may not, at least in part, be due to inadequate sensory stimulation, particularly tactile stimulation. Inadequate sensory stimulation may not be the only factor involved in crib death, but it may well be a predisposing factor. (p. 126)

In-Arms Period

The "in-arms" period—a phrase coined by Jean Liedloff—refers to the second half of the gestational period of a human infant. Acknowledging the fact that humans are only half gestated when born, relative to other mammals, this period occurs outside of the womb in the arms of its parents for about nine months, or until a child begins to crawl (Liedloff, 1985; Montagu, 1978a).

Montagu (1978a) has called this exterogestation, claiming that it is "designed to continue the feedback relationships between infant and mother, to continue the development of both, but especially of the infant for its increasingly complicated postnatal functioning in an atmospheric world bounded and unbounded by all sorts of experiences of space" (p. 232).

The Yequana Indian infants, from birth until they voluntarily begin to crawl, spend virtually all their time in their mothers' arms. A mother might ask another adult or child to hold her infant for short periods of time, but this is only done if the infant agrees. A !Kung mother, "apart from food, water and personal belongings...carries each of her children under the age of four" for an estimated 2400 kilometers a year" (Lee, 1979, p. 314). !Kung children who have not yet shown an interest in crawling remain in their mothers' arms (and occasionally in the arms of another adult) constantly. The same is true for Mbuti and Netsilik Eskimo children. "The Netsilik infant is carried...until it achieves locomotor ability and thence intermittently until it acquires what the Netsilik Eskimo calls ihuma or 'cognitive sense'" (De Boer in Montagu, 1978b, p. 236).

The in-arms period is similar to that period outside the womb after birth that a marsupial newborn goes through. It is not born ready to be part of the world either; therefore it continues its gestation in its mother's pouch. A similar need exists for the chimpanzee infant and, it would seem, the human infant. Unlike organic cultures, we do not recognize the importance of this period; as a result we do a great disservice to our children and, ultimately, to ourselves.

Unobstructive Presence

This element of organic parenting is a way of minding and caring for children (roughly under thirty months of age) that allows them the utmost freedom to explore while maintaining safety and parental security. The term unobstructive presence was coined by William Crain (1987), who explains that this is not a specific technique but an attitude, "a way of being with the child" (p. 26).

"The art [of parenting] is to become constantly present and yet not present," wrote Kierkegaard (1946, p. 112). For a young child to explore his or her environment to the fullest, parental security is a vital ingredient. The knowledge that parents are there "with" the child provides the child the confidence to gradually take part in the cultural life of the community. If the child experiences some sort of a setback such as falling, or comes into conflict with another member of the community, he or she is guaranteed reassurance from his or her parents. In essence, the parents act as a safe harbor within which the child operates in his or her process of discovering.

Without this attitude of unobstructive presence, children are not assured of parental security and this, as we know, becomes a prime source of anxiety for them. Unfortunately this is often the situation in Western society.

Gradual Independence

Gradual independence refers to a process by which a child ventures out from the security of his or her parents and into the community at a pace that is regulated by him- or herself. This is characterized by periodic explorations into the community which increase in length and number as the child becomes confident that he or she is safe and that parental security is close at hand. The difference between this process and the period of unobstructive presence is that the parent's role changes from the active one (unobstructive presence) to a passive one (gradual independence). The parents no longer actively watch out for the child's well-being, but they continue to be the safe port to which the child can return as needed.

An example of this is given by the Fore of New Guinea. At roughly 30 months of age, Fore children begin to explore their environment and to make contact with other community members without the presence of their mothers. Their parents remain available, but it is now the child's responsibility to seek them out when the need is felt.

This is contrasted by our society's practice of forcing and pushing children to act independently. The children seldom truly become "independent" because of the lack of parental security and the lack of control and power experienced by the children. As well, we seem to give our children extremely confusing messages when we push them to independence. For example, we tell children that they are "big boys (or girls) now" and must behave themselves on their first day at day care, on the one hand; and on the other we allow them little freedom to actually express themselves and enjoy independence.

Positive Encouragement of Cooperative Behavior

This element of organic childcaring involves the active rewarding of socially harmonious behavior. It also includes the discouraging of aggressive behavior, but this is not done negatively. Rather aggressiveness is discouraged by simply removing children from the situation. Also, cooperative behavior is encouraged by the model provided by the adults.

Many anthropologists who have studied nonviolent societies speak of this type of positive encouragement of cooperation. Of the !Kung, Draper states that they have a "special way of handling anger and physical assaults by one child against another. When two small children quarrel and begin to fight, adults don't punish them or lecture them; they separate them and physically carry each child off in an opposite direction" (Draper in Montagu, 1978b, p. 26). We observe the same response to children fighting among the Mbuti, the Yequanas, the Netsilik Eskimos, and the Semai of Malaysia.

Again, mixed messages are what our society gives children. Our children are preached to about the horrors of violence, yet are shown that violence "is necessary" by "heroes" such as Rambo, RoboCop, G.I. Joe, He-Man, and his sister She-Ra. Due to their own narcissistic "hearts like dogs," Western parents usually react themselves with anger and often aggression during the child's normal expression of childhood aggression. Our children are scolded, preached to, and lectured about the "badness" of their actions. To get their point across, parents may hit children. Unfortunately, what our children learn then is that hitting, and aggression, rightly follows anger.

Freedom of Emotional Expression

This term describes an environment that allows and/or encourages the expression of the entire spectrum of feelings, thoughts, drives, urges, and needs.

It is important to look at what is generally considered "negative" emotional outbursts in order to examine the tolerance specific societies show towards emotional expression. This is so because most societies, whether violent or nonviolent, accept "positive" emotions (with the exception of emotions linked with sex). However, in nonviolent societies it is quite common for parents and adults to completely allow the expression of negative emotions as well.

Some parents in nonviolent societies allow this expression by ignoring it, letting the child yell and scream. Others actively accept what the child is feeling by making it clear to the child that he or she has been listened to and heard. What societies choose to do seems to be dependent on the particular incident, time, and place. A parent might actively accept a child's feelings and listen to his or her concerns in a particular situation, whereas in another that parent might accept and allow the emotional expression simply by ignoring it. The crucial element to the child is that he or she feels the freedom of emotional expression, whether it is actively or passively accepted.

An example of passive acceptance is the extent to which !Kung parents allow children to physically hit them:

Active acceptance is commonly found in !Kung adult-child relations. Van Der Post (1980) describes a scene where a !Kung child strikes an adult with a stick. Not wanting to be hit, the adult grabs hold of the stick and talks to the child in an attempt to understand what the child is angry about. The adult smiles, laughs, and with sensitivity sees the humor in the situation, helping the child to be aware of his feelings and at the same time letting him see that his feelings are respected. Of this incident, Van Der Post writes, "it was an exemplary lesson in how to convert anger into harmony through laughter" (1980, p. 66); and we would add, through respect and sensitivity.

The freedom of sexual expression is also included in this category. Our investigations have led us to believe that childhood sexual play is found and accepted among nonviolent societies. Perhaps the best known example of this is found in Malinowski's (1950) work on the Trobriand Islanders. Malinowski writes that

The Muria of India actually have a special place (ghotul) in their camp where only children are allowed and, as V. Elwin explains, sexual activities take place. Since all adults are barred from the ghotul, the expressions of sexual feelings and emotions are completely controlled by the children themselves. This is in sharp contrast with our society, where children are often segregated according to their sex as if to say something evil would happen if they were left alone together. Of course, in recent history things have changed toward much more relaxed attitudes about children and sex play. Obviously there are, however, still very real coercive measures taken to teach children that their natural desires and feelings are not to be expressed.

Unconditional Love and Trust in the Child

Such an attitude refers to the acceptance of children by their parents and other adults in a way that it does not depend upon specific behavior on the child's part. Children are treated with care and positive feelings simply because they are human and not just as a reward for their expressing the "right" emotions or behaviors.

Although this has been identified as one element of organic childcaring, it does not have a beginning or ending in terms of the life of a child. In organic societies, love and trust of the child is most often unconditional and begins at the moment a woman is aware that she is pregnant and continues well beyond the childhood years. Without this unconditional love, it would be difficult for some of the other elements that have been identified to exist. For example, it would be easy for the parents of a newborn child to grow upset with the newborn who cries persistently. Yet it is because of their unconditional love that parents of organic societies do not blame the child who is a victim of colic but instead soothe and caress the child, "knowing" that the child is never wrong. It is from this basic, continual, and unconditional love that "positive prenatal influences," "child-centered birth," "tactile stimulation," and all the other elements originate.

Conclusion

To summarize, the elements of organic childcaring can be contrasted with the malignant parenting practices commonly associated with our own culture in the following table:

Primal theory has done a great deal to aid in our understanding of how initially and naturally healthy, self-regulating children become neurotic and unreal adults. By having identified the elements of organic childcaring, we hope to have fostered a deeper understanding of what children need in order to instead develop into real and healthy adults. We believe that those interested in the psychotherapeutic process, and specifically in primal theory, can benefit from a better understanding of not only what in the client's history has caused the "problem" but also what the client did not receive from his or her early environment and thereby requires in the therapeutic relationship. Our hope is to have sparked thought and discussion on this, in the light of organic parenting.

References

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Leboyer, Frederick. (1986). Loving Hands. New York: Alfred A. Knopf Publishers.

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Malinowski, Bronislaw. (1932). The Sexual Lives of Savages. London: Routledge and Keegan, Paul.

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Mendelsohn, Robert. (1984). How To Raise A Healthy Child...In Spite Of Your Doctor. Chicago: Contemporary Books, Inc.

Montagu, Ashley. (1964). Life Before Birth. Toronto: The New American Library of Canada Limited.

Montagu, Ashley. (1978a).Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin. New York: Harper and Row, Publishers.

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Van Der Post, Laurens and Jane Taylor. (1985). Testament to the Bushmen. Middlesex: Penguin Books Ltd.

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Biographical Note

GERALDINE and GAETANO LYN-PILUSO were living, at the time of writing of this article, with their daughter and teacher, Caileigh (2 and 1/2 years old), in Toronto, Canada. Gaetano is a psychotherapist in private practice and teaches Psychology and Child Development at a local college. He has an M.A. in Counseling/Psychology, is a Certified Alcoholism Counselor, and had begun working on a Ph.D. Geraldine has an M.A. from Goddard College in Vermont, where she focused specifically on child sexual abuse. She also works part-time as a psychotherapist in private practice. Caileigh is busy teaching her parents all about life!

1. Editor's Note: Childcaring is here meant in the way that the term childrearing is normally used. Childcaring was chosen to avoid the pejoratives and negative attitudes toward the care of children connoted by the term rearing. Arthur Janov once wrote concerning childrearing: "The fact that there are hundreds of books written on child-rearing implies that children are a separate species requiring special treatment. They are just people needing exactly what parents need" (The Feeling Child, 1973, p. 202). Thus, rearing implies an unequal and controlling relationship and has a connotation akin to animal training. It implies a situation in which a superior and supreme authority on all things—including a child's feelings, purposes, correct actions, and proper values—is given complete sway in training and instilling (as opposed to bringing out) those things into an essentially inferior and ignorant, and either "blank-slated" or "beastly" other. Therefore it denies the possibility that children, as spiritual beings and embodiments of the divine by nature—not only after being "reared"—might have some say in their own growing up or might have something of value to give back to the parent or be able to teach the parent in return. Such a rearing relationship is not in keeping with the new model of parent-child relationship rediscovered in primal psychology and expressed so beautifully in this article. Janov writes further, "The question is not 'How should I handle my child?' It should be 'How do you treat people you love?' A parent isn't someone who lays down rules. He is a loving friend" (Ibid.). Thus a healthy parent-child relationship might better be described by a term like caring: which can occur among equals and with respect and which can be applied to other relationships, like friendship, in which one person, out of love -- and not out of superiority, need to control, desire to dominate, fear of social approbation, or role requirement—would act to fill the needs of another and to engage with them in mutually pleasurable and beneficial interactions.—M.A. [return to text]

2. Editor's Note: This article was originally published in Aesthema #11. Reprinted by permission.[return to text]

Organic Parenting

Introduction

Elements of Organic Childcaring

Positive Prenatal Relationship

Mother-Child-Centered Birth

Active Mother-Infant Bonding

Positive Family Adjustment

Pleasurable Initiations

Breastfeeding

Intentional and Loving Tactile Stimulation

Celebration of the Senses

Contactful Sleeping Arrangements

In-Arms Period

Unobstructive Presence

Gradual Independence

Positive Encouragement of Cooperative Behavior

Freedom of Emotional Expression

Unconditional Love and Trust in the Child

Conclusion

Dichotomous Parenting Practices

References

Biographical Note

Copyright © 1994 by Geraldine and Gaetano Lyn-Piluso.

**Related Book: Go to Primal Renaissance: The Emerging Millennial Return by Michael D. Adzema.**

**Related Book: Go to Falls From Grace: Spiritual and Philosophical Perspectives of Prenatal and Primal Experience by Michael D. Adzema.**

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