19 March 2004 (uploaded 22 March 2004)
I I have been doing bodywork for 25 years on and
off-I worked mostly in Boston with the flavor of the Denver protocol-
During my journey, I had 2 hospitalizations, one
born again experience, enough Synchronicity to give Shirley Maclane a run for
her money, and felt like a guinea pig and psychic warrior at the same time-
I went to two IPA conventions, but found most people
in the movement unfocused though well meaning-
I LOVED YOUR PAPER ON SPIRITUALITY AND
PRIMAL!
You don't usually see those two words in the same
sentence - I am just a layman but your thoughts were so well expressed and
absolutely right on from my experience - it was so refreshing to read
-
No question both stillness and expression can
release the static of being stuck between stations - Either one can bring you to
the other -
Having been depressed and truly Bi-polar (The phrase
is tossed around too lightly today) most of my life, God came in and was totally
complimentary to the work - in fact, I believe that his/her power to burn off
emotion (and past traumas) is vastly underrated (As the Christians say, the fire
of the holy spirit).
Both God and deep feeling work saved my life and now
the joy is flowing . . .
Thanks
for a great abstract, it was inspiring and eloquently stated -
Donald
Magder
22 March 2004
Mickel Adzema's (WebGuy's) Response:
Dear Donald,
Thanks for your kind words and the feedback.
I am writing a series of articles that deal with
the crucial importance of spirituality, especially at a certain stage of the
primal process. I have parts 1 and 2 up on the website, as
“Reunion
With the Positive (Self), Part One: The Other Half of ‘The Cure’” at http://www.primalspirit.com/pr1_2adzema_reunion_part_1.htm
and “Reunion
With the Positive (Self), Part Two: The Therapist’s Role – Unconditional
Acceptance Versus Enabling – And ‘Real Love’ As Essential in Therapy and
Spirituality” at http://www.primalspirit.com/pr3_1adzema_reunion_pt2_unconditional.htm.
And I am writing a Part 3 in which I am dealing,
full on, with the kind of thing you express in your email. Your email so
expresses what I have discovered in my own process, as well as many others,
who’ve truly taken the process to its “farther limits.” No less than
Graham Farrant, noted for his work in popularizing the idea of cellular
consciousness – sperm and egg memory – had pointed out before he passed
away, in front an audience of 500 at a Pre- and Perinatal Psychology Conference
in 1992, how he had not truly felt “completely accepted” and made whole,
until he had a particular spiritual experience – this, after years of
primaling to the depths.
If you read the articles referred to above and
have any comments, I’d love to hear them.
Also, if you read the published articles and
would like to then also see what I have so far ready for part 3 “Fostering the
Emergence of the Positive (Self),” I would be happy to email it to you for any
comments and/or suggestions.
Once again, thanks. It means a lot to me to
know that my writing has helped someone by confirming something inside of them.
Warm regards,
Michael
Adzema
27 September 2000 (uploaded
28 September 2000)
Dear Mickel,
I received an e-mail leading me to your on-line
book, Apocalypse, or New Age?
The Emerging Perinatal Unconscious, about an hour ago, and since
then I am a fascinated reader with all the “trues” and “ahas” you can think
of.
To introduce myself: My name is Carolin
Fuerst, I'm studying transpersonal psychology on-line with Naropa.
I had my second holotropic breathwork experience just a couple of days
ago, which left me deeply touched by a realm of experience nobody is talking
about (or has been until now).
During the last two year I started to develop
a thought structure looking for all the negativity and brutality that surrounds
us in everyday existence, asking a lot of questions about the urgency and
the apparent need that underlies this kind of “cultural feedback.”
Last year I became a dominatrix. While
in the beginning I was still superficially interested in the narrative
and aesthetic aspect of this work (naively thinking this is part of the
real game plan), I discovered pretty soon that there are a lot of repetitive
structures, or fixations, that these people try to unleash and live for
one or more hours.
I do strongly believe in the connection between
BPM III and BDSM [bondage-domination/ sado-masochism] and I am looking
for others to share possible studies about these experiences.
Sexuality and body awareness (body energy)
and the transpersonal are the focus of my thoughts and I would be more
than thankful for every idea or reference you could give me on these subjects.
Sincerely,
Carolin Fuerst
carolinfu@hotmail.com
28 September 2000
Mickel Adzema's (WebGuy's) Response:
Dear Carolin,
I think your first place to start is with
Stanislav Grof's works. Check out the links on the bottom of his
article on this site ("Planetary
Survival and Consciousness Evolution: Psychological Roots of Human
Violence and Greed"), or click here.
Beyond that, I would check out the references
he cites in his books. Finally, you may receive some help in this
area from someone reading your post on this Forum. I encourage folks
to respond to Carolin, if you know of any way you can help.
Good luck. And thanks for your sharing.
Warm regards,
Mickel
mickel@primalspirit.com
Letter to the Editor: The
Old Man in the Vatican is in the Middle but
not at the Center
27 September 2000 (uploaded
27 September 2000)
Dear Sir,
Christianity emerged more or less in the middle
of human history and in
many countries the starting point of their
solar calendar, is the birthyear of Jesus Christ (AD = Anno Domini,
BC = Before Christ). Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, and Muslims are using
the lunar calendar.
Christianity was preceded by six major religions:
Buddhism, Hinduism,
Judaism, Shintoism, Taoism, and Zoroatrianism.
It was followed by Bahaism, Islam, Jainism, Sikhism, and many other smaller
religions.
Notwithstanding this enormous variety of faiths,
Pope John Paul II and
his ultra-conservative adviser Cardinal Ratzinger
are still convinced that Roman Catholicism (RC) is the authentic
religion in the world and that only the adherents to this faith will be
saved (salvation).
Recently the Pope went even one step further
and publicly expressed
doubt about the salvation of the Anglicans,
Orthodox Catholics, and Protestants, who are his Christian brothers.
Maybe he thinks that there is a second-class heaven and hell reserved for
them somewhere.
Notwithstanding the fact that Jesus Christ
was born as a Jew and an adherent of the Judaism religion, the Pope's relations
with Judaism are still not one of the best. Also his contacts with
Islam, the third monotheistic religion, are very limited.
Recently he made a big mistake by beatifying
Pope Pius IX. With this act he antagonized not only the Jews, but
also his brother in Christ, the Archbishop of Canterbury and leader of
the Anglican church, who protested vigorously. It is well known that
Pope Pius IX had anti-Semitic inclinations, but what is worse is that he
proclaimed the dogmas of the Immaculate Conception of Mary, the mother
of Jesus Christ, and Papal Infallibility. These two dogmas will make
unification of all Christians very difficult to realize, because they are
not acceptable to the non-RC Christians.
The Pope's relations with the non-monotheistic
religions are negligible. It is very rare to see a Buddhist, Hindu,
or Taoist dignitary in the Vatican. The Buddhist Patriarch of Sri
Lanka once refused to meet the Pope in Colombo, because he had declared
in one of his addresses that Buddhism is atheistic.
From a purely theological point of view this
may be correct, because Buddhism does not have a God. But in
the ears of many people in the world, the word atheism has a rather
negative connotation. On a number of occasions, the Pope has also
declared that the RC Church reserves the right to proselytize adherents
of other religions. This statement will definitely not improve
his popularity amongst other religions and particularly not with Hindus
and Muslims.
Visitors to old fashioned RC churches in Italy,
Latin America, Poland, and Spain -- with their colorful images, flowers,
candles, incense, and the use of water -- will have undoubtedly noticed
that they look very much the same as Buddhist, Hindu, or Taoist temples.
In this connection it may be of interest to mention that, according to
Tibetan manuscripts, Jesus did not spend 17 years
(12-29 AD) in the carpenter shop of his father
Joseph, but that he traveled in caravans to the East, first as a student
and later as a teacher. In these countries he mastered Hindu and
Buddhist scriptures, learned to heal and
cast out devils, and prepared himself for
his three years of teaching in Palestine (30-33 AD). The Bible is
almost mute about this period in the life of Jesus Christ. The only
exception is Luke 2-52 where it says: "And Jesus increased in wisdom
and stature, and in favour with God and men."
Pope John Paul II has done very little, in
a practical way, to stop the violence between Roman Catholics ( Burundi,
Rwanda, Uganda, and Zaire), between Christians (Bosnia, Northern Ireland),
between Christians and Muslims (Indonesia, Philippines, Sudan, and Yugoslavia)
and between Christians and Hindus (India).
He is a stern opponent of birth control, extramarital
sex, homosexuality, euthanasia, and the ordination of female priests.
He is very much in favor of the celibacy of his own priests.
The unification of, or at least, the
improvement of the understanding and relations between the thousands of
religions in the world has a very low priority for this Pope. This
notwithstanding the fact that religions, even at the present
time, very often are at the root of very violent conflicts,
which have killed millions of people and transformed innocent and peaceful
civilians into miserable refugees. It is also significant that the
Pope was absent at the recent inter-religious meeting at the United Nations
in New York.
The great achievement of Pope John Paul II's
pontificate has been, without any doubt, his role in the peaceful elimination
of Communism in Europe and some other countries in the world.
Historians will have the last word in appraising
the significance of this remarkable, conservative religious leader both
in the history of the RC church and the world as a whole.
With kind regards,
Frans Soede
frans.soede@love-or-money.org
Publisher of the Website http://www.love-or-money.org
Address: Patong Resort suite # 532, Patong
Beach. Phuket 83150, Thailand.
Telephone: 66 76 340551
26 September 2000 (uploaded
28 September 2000)
Mickel,
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
Melody
25 September 2000 (uploaded
25 September 2000)
Bless you for creating this information source:
Apocalypse,
Or New Age? The Emerging Perinatal Unconscious. I am
a little less depressed now about the
state of the world and the madness of the
people in it. I have already mentioned your book to several friends.
Minor tech question: Is there a simple
way for me to grab a copy of the whole book to forward to people?
Plus I would like to keep a copy on my hard drive. I feel like the
more copies of it that exits, the less likely it can be lost or forgotten
or destroyed.
More questions: I am also beginning to
write and I am hesitant about letting anybody see my stuff. How do
you know when a book or story is done enough so that you can let friends
or editors look at a new creation?
Bob Stafford
bob-stafford@mediaone.net
25 September 2000
Mickel Adzema's (WebGuy's) Response:
Dear Bob,
Thank you for your very kind words about
my book. I am very happy that it has given you some insight that
helps you to see the current "wildness" from a more positive perspective.
That is the most that I, as an author, hope to accomplish: specifically,
giving people hope and enlightening their perspective . . . helping people
to see that there is a truly divine plan behind the seeming madness; and
moreover to help people to see that the suffering that they see on the
outside is mostly a reflection of the suffering that we carry within, which
causes us to overemphasize the negative and to blot out the positive.
Your efforts and intentions to promote my
ideas are most welcome. Unfortunately, I have not the time to put
out a paper version of the book, as I am currently working on several others
that are extremely timely (which I will upload on my site first).
But feel free to keep a copy on your hard drive; and of course you can
attach chapters in e-mails to people, as well as refer them to the site
(providing them with a link or at least a url) to your heart's content.
Some people have simply printed the book on their printer -- though that
is costly. Anything you would wish to do, I would welcome.
I might have a paper version out in about six months or so. Of course,
I will announce that event on my site, when it happens, and I would be
delighted for you to pass out as many copies as you wish.
Now, as for your questions concerning being
a writer: I have thought about it, and I realize that two simple
rules would sum up everything I know and have learned (often the hard way):
1. Your creation is ready to be shared at the exact moment that you
have the courage to accept whatever feedback might result -- good, bad,
indifferent. 2. And this is the most important: THE SOONER
THE BETTER!
On point Number 2, fear is a writer's worst
enemy, and yet, when once engaged in battle, is surprisingly easy to defeat.
After a while, there is no fear. After a while -- after learning
that some people are going to love your writing and others are going to
hate it, no matter what you do -- you stop caring what "they" are going
to think. At that point, you write to be true to the truth as you
see it, and to be true to yourself, and you write because there is something
inside you that is demanding to be let out, and you know that your only
option -- if you are a true writer -- is to let it out and to let the muses
or whatever they are, have their way with you. (Speaking metaphorically,
of course.)
I hope that is helpful. I know it
is something that I wish someone would have told me thirty years ago so
that it wouldn't have taken me 15 years to get published for the first
time (I had chances to be published fifteen years before that, but was
too afraid.)
Thanks again for your kind words and for
any and all your efforts to promote the ideas that forced me into writing
them. :-)
Warm regards,
Mickel
mickel@primalspirit.com
Gabriela's
Story: My First Reliving of Birth in Holotropic Breathwork:
"When Are We Going to Wake Up?"
6 September 2000 (uploaded
20 September 2000)
Dear Mickel,
I've just visited your Primal Spirit site and
found it fascinating. I've been interested in the way we human
beings handle birth ever since I had myself the experience of giving birth,
which went from a horrible experience with my first son to the wonderful
one of giving birth in natural childbirth, with my other three children.
The experience of motherhood also made me face
the neurosis I was carrying when I started hurting those I love most: My
own children. This led me to a long journey of self search and discovery,
especially after having read Alice Miller's books. I started having
Reichian therapy, which was a tremendous help to understand many things.
A few months ago, I started holotropic breath therapy, which has been a
milestone in my life. I also came across psychohistory and have been
a student, on-line, for several months. I find psychohistory fascinating.
I'm a Mexican puppeteer; and I feel that my
life task is to help spread all the goodness I've unearthed in my self-discovery
through puppetry, which is, to my view, one of the most powerful means
of communication. For puppets reach the inner child we all have,
no matter how hurt or abused she or he might be. I'm currently working
on a project to make a TV puppetry show where children DO have a voice.
I loved your site. I want to share
with you what I wrote after having had my first rebirthing experience a
few months ago. I wrote this, while I was thinking from a psychohistory
perspective and wondering about the importance of facing the way the medical
establishment treats women who are giving birth in a hospital setting and
how the obstetricians' and pediatricians' ignorance hurts so many babies
for life.
Sites like yours can help a lot of people.
Thanks.
This is what I wrote after reliving my birth
for the first time:
This morning I had the most wonderful
experience. I had a therapeutic session to remember my birth,
which is brought about by simply breathing in a certain way. First,
I started breathing deeply with my mouth. It first helped me to relax
all my body, and then I started feeling how the energy was running through
my body, towards my hands. I felt the energy move, more and more,
till it started vibrating so much in my hands that they were moving too.
The same energy went through my body to my genitals and legs, and I could
clearly feel how it went through my body and out, as in a great energy
cataract, which took away with it all the pain.
Then I started having images of my own birth;
these were a mixture of sensations. I was feeling, all at the same
time, as if I was being born, as if I was my mother, and also as if I was
giving birth to my first child; and I integrated all three of these experiences
in a healing way.
Suddenly, I started feeling dizzy with the
anesthesia and felt my stomach sick. The sickness came and went like
in waves. I was born in 1955, when they would put women to sleep,
just at the most important moment, when they had to start pushing.
I felt in panic, with my mother sound asleep, unable and unwilling to help
me, and the forceps coming in; and I was so helpless and so scared.
I was shouting at her: Why didn't she want to feel? And why
didn't she want me to be a woman? I could feel all her pain too.
I could also feel how the forceps were tightening
around my head and how I was gasping for air. I could see a red,
long tunnel with light at the far end. The light suddenly turned
into a terribly blinding light, that I could not stand, but nobody cared.
I could feel the same burning sensations I had in my vagina when my children
were born, how the baby slid out, the umbilical cord. But at the
same time I could feel that I was the baby being born, the tightening sensation
in my body and a piercing pain in my right shoulder as I came out.
I was suddenly out, in a room with bluish green
walls, in the blinding light, which I could not stand, but nobody seemed
to know what I was feeling. I was feeling terribly cold, with everybody
just handling me and weighing and measuring me, without having the slightest
idea of what I was feeling. I was crying and wanted to shout at them:
Can't you see that I am cold? I don't want to be here!
I was still feeling the sickening sensation of the anesthesia; that made
me also cough. It was like a mixture of images. I felt the
forceps on my head, I was choking and coughing and suddenly I found I'd
put myself in a fetal position. Then I fall asleep for a few seconds,
and I woke up in an incubator.
I was still cold and feeling dizzy and sick
in my stomach, and the smell in my actual therapy room was like anesthesia.
At the same time I felt a great peaceful sensation and could clearly see
and feel the light of the energy that went into my body through my head
and navel, that went down to my vagina and out in a curtain of light that
seemed to envelop the world. I had a wonderful sensation of all this
energy concentrating in my genitals, with a nonstop, almost orgasmic
sensation, as a great powerful and healing force that irradiated out in
a healing light that mixed up with the light outside that had a very different
color -- brighter and livelier.
Now I knew what it meant to be a woman and
what we were here for. I knew that the inner healing force that was
within me was like a light that would always be on, no matter what the
weather outside was like -- sunny, cloudy, stormy, or whatever. This
is the wonderful, creative, loving, and healing power we have as women.
But it is stuck within us like being locked
inside a cage. Instead, with all kinds of quite opposite horrible
aggressions, babies are "welcomed" into the world. "Welcomed," they
are, by insensitive, ignorant, and pain-crazed people -- parents, the medical
establishment, all alike. When are we going to wake up? When
are we going to start using and sharing this healing power? Instead
of locking it into a cage of pain?
Babies should be welcomed in a cozy, loving
environment, instead of the aggressive one that is the norm in most hospitals.
I think that there's still a lot to be researched in psychohistory: about
the way we are born and the reactions, attitudes, and fears that surround
pregnancy, birthing and nursing, which basically deny our healing power
for love.
Gabriela Ortiz-Monasterio
gabrielaom@unimedia.net.mx
Morelia, Michoacan
MEXICO
Mechanized
Birth, Visions of a Better Way, and a Program for Discovering Your Soul
Destiny
9 September 2000 (uploaded
20 September 2000)
Thanks Mickel, it has been fascinating exploring
your ideas and your perspective on life, the universe and all that (to
quote a well known book from the Eighties!)
I have become increasingly disenchanted with
my working life (as a midwife in hospitals) and have been seeking a pathway
that would help me help people live lives that are happy, healthy and fulfilled.
The so called health system is in fact an illness and death system and,
from my vantage point of midwifery, only serves to make people more afraid
and therefore more likely to encounter and experience the sort of birth
that causes so much trauma.
I am finishing my masters in primary health
care and run prenatal education workshops for pregnant women and their
partners. I do the occasional homebirth, used to be in full-on private
practice, but the political climate around homebirth is a challenge here
in Australia. I guess with my ongoing personal development
that may get easier to deal with. I also write and am writing
a couple of books at the moment. I feel my future is in writing the
sort of book that is helpful for pregnant women and their partners to birth
in safety of the internal kind.
I have a vision for oases for pregnant and
birthing women plus their families in every neighborhood, where they can
come and stay, cruise with others, have massages and kinesiology, talk
with parents, feel happy and content. I feel a bit concerned with
the reproductive technologies and the push for mechanization -- taking
fetal development out of women's bodies and putting fetuses in tanks to
grow. Especially when the knowledge about hormonal influence on fetal
emotional development becomes well known in the medical world, women's
bodies are already constructed as inherently flawed and the fetus is constructed
as an endangered species, so it is only a matter of time till childbearing
is far too important to leave to the vagaries and inconsistencies of female's
bodies. Can you imagine the emotional robots that will be produced
then?
I have discovered a solidly based program which
assists people to discover
their soul destiny and provides no-strings
mentoring support. I have been
fortunate to have been able to get onto this
product now when it is in prelaunch stage world-wide. The product
is a program series of personal development courses. The courses
are in five packages; the first is a home-study system providing the basics
and a developmental workbook. The remaining four packages are seminar
based and build on the home study course with high levels of integration.
The courses work toward the full development of the individual with the
goal of each person reaching their life purpose or, if you like, their
soul destiny.
The business side of this (and of the soul
destiny) is fully supported by mentoring groups which I find to be extremely
positive. We see it as a home-based business with flexible hours,
high income potential, as well as ongoing personal growth.
At this early stage, there is a very good chance
of becoming a facilitator with the seminars, but that is not a definite.
Because of what I have read of your work, I couldn't help but wonder if
you are interested in such a program, too. If you are interested
in taking an open and serious look at this as an opportunity for you and
a useful adjunct to what you are doing, let me know.
Thanks for your work and your updating.
I appreciate what you are doing
very much. I am also interested in what
got you started on this path you
are into?
warmly, Carolyn
Carolyn Hastie
heartlogic@iprimus.com.au
Heartlogic Consultancy
20 September 2000
Mickel Adzema's (WebGuy's) Response:
Carolyn,
Thanks for your informative comments on
the state of birthing from your experienced perspective. It cannot
be said too much on this site about the irresponsible increased mechanization
of birth . . . ironically occurring right alongside all we are knowing,
in a scientific way even, of the huge and harmful lifelong ramifications
of unnatural birth, as well as all the knowledge we have gained about the
astounding effects of increased human potential and nonviolence occurring
as a result of gentle, natural birth.
I wholeheartedly applaud your vision(s).
It inspires me and gives me hope to know that there are people like you
out there who have imaginations as big as their hearts. I've lately
been dealing with a lot of pseudo-intellectuals around these topics and
all I hear is their projected Pain: "the sky is falling," etc., or, one
might say their cynicism. Cynicism has become "cool." Yet it
is the opposite of having vision. Thanks for the temporary antidote.
Your program sounds wonderful. I wish
you well in it. And by posting it here, maybe there are some who
would want to contact you to find out more about it.
But as for myself and Mary Lynn, well, as
"Our Personal Note" has detailed, we are
only now making it out from a four-year long "trials of Job." And
we have many commitments and visions of our own that we are way behind
on. It will take us a long time to see an open space to add anything
more to our lives. And besides, we feel our greatest service, our
greatest dharma, is to spread the word to as many people who have "ears
to hear" about the kinds of things you, and people like you, are
doing. We have had to cut our lives down, now, to the bare
essentials, not even doing our workshops -- which would be the next thing
we would add. Right now that includes working on this website and
trying to help the world by getting Gore elected -- someone who, despite
what the heartless cynics say, is a man of compassion, honesty, and global
consciousness, and much more. But I digress.
So, do keep me apprised of your progress.
Who knows, someday, something like what you say might be in the cards for
us. We have learned -- had "beaten" into us actually -- that life
is a series of the unexpected . . . it is always changing . . . or it is
not life!
Finally, as to what got me started on the
path I am into: well, that is a story that would take a book to respond
to. Ask me again another time, when I might have more time to reply.
Or maybe I'll remember it and write it up sometime and let you know.
I'm sorry things are rough for you in Australia
in what you are trying to do, but they are also here in the States.
What I like to point out is how "We're all in this together." And
how the power of the world-wide-web and the Internet make possible these
kinds of alliances and support systems -- like we have -- though we are
half a world apart. I think that is cause for some hope. And
it is why I am making this website my top priority. For it is only
through our strength in numbers and the combining of our voices that we
can hope, in my opinion, to overturn the entrenched interests as they continue
down their road of horrors, unaffected by what they do because of the psychic
"blinders" that they have strapped on.
Good to hear from you, as always.
And thanks for your sharing. I hope that others will respond to your
offer -- I know many who are searching for a way to help, as well as to
grow, but have yet to find it. Perhaps you and they will find each
other.
Warm regards,
Mickel
mickel@primalspirit.com
On "Whining"
Or "Slowly Is Holy"
31 August 2000 (uploaded 28
September 2000)
When my daughter whined a lot, I did an experiment.
I sat on my stoop and whined as long as I could. Try it and see what
it achieves for you personally.
What I learned is that it helped me slow down.
Many of us need that pretty often.
slowly is holy
Denise P. Judson
denisejudson@juno.com
San Francisco, CA
31 August 2000 (uploaded 27
September 2000)
IN PRAISE OF BLACK SHEEP
Rule-breaking children make the most self-reliant
and independent adults
By Johann Christoph Arnold
There's a black sheep in every flock, and there
are few of us who don't know one, or didn't know one as a child.
Every family, every class, has one: that brother or sister, boy or girl,
who's always in trouble, who's prone to stretch limits or take things "too
far," who's embarrassingly honest, who never fits in. It's that child
over whom every teacher puzzles longest and every parent loses the most
sleep.
But no matter how natural the phenomenon, being
a misfit is never easy. Because children are so vulnerable, and because
they are dependent on the adults around them, they are far more sensitive
to criticism than one might guess, and far more easily crushed. And
even if their natural forgetfulness and their amazing capacity to forgive
relieves most children of much that might burden an adult, there are those
whose self-confidence can be shriveled by an unjust accusation, a cutting
remark, or a hasty miscalculation.
Whenever we pass judgment on a child, we fail
to see him as a whole person. True, he may be nervous, shy, stubborn,
moody, or violent; we may know his siblings or his background, or think
we recognize family traits. But to focus on any one aspect of a child,
especially a negative one, is to put him in a box whose sides may not really
be determined by reality, but only by our own expectations.
Obviously, every child is different. Some seem
to get all the lucky breaks, while others have a rough time simply coping
with life. One child consistently brings home perfect scores, while
the next is always at the bottom of the class. Another is gifted
and popular, while still another, no matter how hard he tries, is always
in trouble and often gets forgotten. As parents, we must refrain
from showing favoritism, and from comparing our children with others.
Above all, we must refrain from pushing them to become something that their
unique personal makeup may never allow them to be.
Neither should we forget that raising a "good"
child is a dubious goal in the first place, if only because the line between
instilling integrity and breeding self-righteousness is so fine. Getting
into trouble can be a vital part of building a child's character.
As the Polish pediatrician Janusz Korczak points out: "The good child
cries very little, he sleeps through the night, he is confident and good-natured.
He is well-behaved, convenient, obedient, and good. Yet no consideration
is given to the fact that he may grow up to be indolent and stagnant."
It is often hard for parents to see the benefits
of having raised a difficult child -- even when the outcome is positive.
But strange as it may sound, I believe that the more challenging the child,
the more grateful the parent should be. If anything, parents of difficult
children ought to be envied, because it is they, more than any others,
who are forced to learn the most wonderful secret of true parenthood: the
meaning of unconditional love. It is a secret that remains hidden
from those whose love is never tested.
At a conference in the Sixties, at a time when
"maladjustment" was the educational catchphrase of the day, Martin Luther
King shocked teachers and parents by turning the supposed problem on its
head. "Thank God for maladjusted children," a colleague remembers
him saying.
When we welcome the prospect of raising the
problematic child with these things in mind, we will begin to see our frustrations
as moments that can awaken our best qualities. And instead of envying
the ease with which our neighbors seem to raise perfect offspring, we will
remember that rule-breakers and children who show their horns often make
more self-reliant and independent adults than those whose limits are never
tried. By helping
us to discover the limitations of "goodness"
and the boredom of conformity, they can teach us the necessity of genuineness,
the wisdom of humility, and finally the reality that nothing good is won
without struggle.
From "ENDANGERED: Your Child in a Hostile World"
by J. C. Arnold.
Free ebook & interactive website: http://www.plough.com/endangered
Order the paperback 1-800-521-8011(US), 0800
018 0799(UK)
Email the author at JCA@plough.com
28 August 2000 (uploaded 20
September 2000)
Hmmmm, provocative reading, in just a few minutes,
on ..."muse_sick..."
page.
I have been seeking perspectives on a very
specific kind of abuse (neglect), the "Watsonian behaviorist" regimen described
in his and wife's 1928 book, "(something . . . care of Infant and Child)".
Personal data on this period (late 20's to 1943-44 or so) is going to be
drying up -- I discovered my involvement fairly late and got into some
of the core with some astounding regressions or flashbacks to age 4-6 months,
(guess by therapist), then did some "Reichian" therapy for 15 months which
had uncertain results -- we stopped it because the personality structure
I had accumulated began unraveling and I seemed to be
drifting backwards. . . .
Well, curious if you have any pointers.
Peter
San Mateo, CA
20 September 2000
Mickel Adzema's (WebGuy's) Response:
Peter,
Thanks for your kind comments on my MusePaper.
As for pointers: I am not your therapist,
but I can say that most therapists know little or nothing about the primal
and breathwork processes that are discussed on this site. From this
perspective, one cannot "unravel" without it being a good thing -- in fact
it's a necessary part of the process. I am sorry your therapist became
afraid when you began "drifting backwards" -- for that is what we have
found to be a necessary precursor to "going forward." You might call
it a "healing crisis" or what I have called "The Centered Path Through
Hell."
At any rate, if you are serious about your
process, you will find more than enough information to start your process
on this site. Not only are there books and articles here that would
help you, but there are links, under "Groovy
Links," to people who would help you to go deeper into where you were
going, rather than to back off when you were getting closest to being well.
I would especially recommend a Holotropic Breathwork facilitator -- they
are everywhere, and are trained specifically, by Stanislav Grof, to help
people through these kinds of crises that you were apparently going through.
We have a saying: "The fastest way
to get where you are going, is to be most fully exactly where you are."
Best of luck to you in your process,
Warm regards,
Mickel
mickel@primalspirit.com
Re: "You Might As Well Please
Yourself" and "A Personal Note"
8 September 2000 (uploaded
15 September 2000)
Mickel: I saved one paragraph that really
rang true to how I think and feel and wanted to share with you. You
might say it was just the right medicine I needed this morning. You
wrote:
"Or, if for whatever reason, you have
decided to "delist" me, then just tell me so. I won't fight you on
it. I've got more to do in my life than I can handle anyway so being
kicked off the list would just free up some time for me; and after the
last four years -- after what my wife and I have been through -- we are
beyond being insulted; we don't give a damn what people think of us any
more, because we have four years of training in the reality that you are
going to be hated and persecuted by some people no matter what (and that
you will be very much loved by SOME of the others when you are true to
yourself). As Rick Nelson (who shares my birthdate coincidentally)
sang 'You can't please, everyone, so, you might as well please yourself.'"
Mickel: My whole life, because I chose to
take a different path than most and to follow what my natural path was,
I have been called selfish, a snob because I am selective with whom I share
my life with, have "rocked the boat" wherever I have worked, and the list
goes on. I have had to sever ties with those I "thought" cared.
I have had some personal successes. I have been homeless. Needless
to say I have gone through much. The last 4 years the hardest (yet,
also the most enlightening). I have been prosecuted by others for
my beliefs as well as my natural talents. What happened to me on two occasions
in these last 4 years many could not live through. There have been times
I questioned if there is any reason to go on.
"To thine self be true," has been a motto I
have kept in my head. Similar to Rickie Nelson's "pleasing yourself."
But somehow this society believes a different way. I have never fit
it, nor have I wanted to. The cost to my personal happiness seemed
way to high.
I live as a recluse and from time to time,
have to go out and work in the world. It seems every time I go out
there and work amongst others, I am greatly aware of how bullying, inconsiderate,
full of bad intentions and motivations, and immature, others are.
I also note that my creativity level either dwindles or stops completely.
There is little compensation for "pleasing others." When you do they
seem to expect it all the time and then you realize you no longer have
a life of your own. Unfortunately there are those who believe they
are to be respected and/or taken care of by others, however, for the life
of me, I have only met a few people who I thought were worth spending time
with -- much less respected -- respect goes both ways. Somehow people
forget this.
My life, and I am sure you and your wife's
life, is far too precious to be weighed down by petty bullshit. But
that is all I think people like.
Again, refreshing to read your words.
Kathryn
mightymini@earthlink.net
On Having Been Homeless
8 September 2000 (uploaded
15 September 2000)
Mickel:
I sent you an earlier email and I wanted to
add to it:
On being homeless: I can say I understand
now why people choose to make homelessness a way of life. I can also
say that I met some really good people.
This society has brainwashed everyone in believing
you have to have a lot to be happy -- this is not true. Why cannot
people realize that it is all corporate greed? That we are being
used, manipulated, and our pocketbooks emptied, so others are fat?
Kathryn
mightymini@earthlink.net
P.S. I have been penalized for telling
people I have been homeless (mainly by the unenlightened ones).
10 September 2000 (uploaded
10 September 2000)
Thank you, Mickel, for these materials!
It seems that "Primal
Process and Higher Personality" is close to were I'm now:
the deepening, new qualities of integration, more mastering.
Hug, or three,
Anna Tsymbal
Re: "The
Emerging Perinatal Unconscious" article: Reflects an Unconscious Bias
Against "Gay Liberation" and "Open Marriage"?
29 August 2000 (uploaded 2
September 2000)
Hi Michael,
I've just read your article "The
Emerging Perinatal Unconscious" and find it very interesting.
Lots of your ideas resonate with me; and as a midwife and mother, I can
really relate to what you say.
I find it interesting however, that you lump
'open marriage' and 'gay liberation' in with the 'unleashing of the aggressive
impulse in the many wars and revolutionary upheavals in the world, in the
rising criminality, terrorism and racial riots . . . demonic element is
also becoming increasingly manifest in the modern world . . . " paragraph.
I find that linguistic association fascinating and wonder if it is a reflection
of your unconscious bias or whether you are consciously and overtly oriented
to that world view? I am interested in your response.
Thanks, with interest,
Carolyn Hastie
heartlogic@iprimus.com.au
Heartlogic Consultancy
2 September 2000
Mickel Adzema's (WebGuy's) Response:
Carolyn,
Thanks so much for your note and comments.
I am especially eager to respond to what you say about putting those elements
together. For apparently it has
slipped past you that I am quoting Grof
in that section. It is he that is
lumping those elements together.
And it is just exactly the facet you pointed
out that has always grated on me in that
quote, for I would not have lumped
"open marriage" and "gay liberation" together
with those "demonic" elements. And I hate it when people think of
me as biased (in the ways that I am not, anyway) when I am simply being
a good scholar in quoting the man and his opinions the way he said it without
trying to control it by censoring him. Other than those parts you
point out I think the quote is a concise summary of what a man with a great
deal of wisdom has to offer us on understanding the current situation.
So I appreciate your giving me the chance
to set the record straight as to my own attitudes, separate from his!
For I am from a different generation from Grof -- "weaned" on The Harrad
Experiment -- and I don't see the sexual in the negative ways that I
believe generations previous to mine (and I suspect yours) have.
I have wondered for a long time if I would
get painted with the same brush as Grof on that aspect of the quote, and
your comment tells me that apparently I have left myself open to that.
Thanks again, so much, for your kind comments
on my article and for this opportunity to set the record straight in an
area where my personal opinion differs from the quote.
Regards,
Mickel
Re:
Apocalypse,
Or New Age? book: A Positive
View; Also: Physicians As Legal Drug Pushers, My Holotropic Breathwork
Experiences, Our Earth's Deep Sorrow
18 June 2000 (uploaded 17
August 2000)
Thank you for your reply. . . .
I am very pleased to have discovered your internet
site and intend to return to it. I recently downloaded and read your
book APOCALYPSE, OR NEW AGE and
am amazed at how you have been able to bring a more positive view of why
there is so much violence acting out today. You are exactly
right -- everyone's "stuff" is coming closer
to the surface to be dealt with!
What is sad, however, is that there are so
few people out there who are willing to face their shadows and heal them.
In my own life, I reached a "do or die" situation to finally face my demons.
I don't know if I would have had the courage to do so if I had more of
a choice.
In reference to people's stuff coming to the
surface, I get frustrated with all the drugs being given out to help people
to push it all back in. Parents are even drugging their babies with
stuff like Prozac to numb them out. Your book helped me to understand
. . . That's why everyone is numbing out -- because their stuff is closer
to the surface than ever before . . . except they are too scared to deal
with it. It is sad that so many physicians have become "drug technicians"
instead of the healers they were meant to be. (I understand that
in medical schools today they are pushing drug therapy as opposed to any
forms of psychotherapy for their future psychiatrists.)
The powers that be don't understand why the
"Say No To Drugs" program isn't working. What they really are saying
to the kids is "Say No To ILLEGAL Drugs." But kids aren't stupid.
We live in a LEGAL drug-addicted society. All the kids have to do
is look into their own parents' medicine cabinet!
Duh!!!
I don't know if you are interested, but I'd
like to give you a short synopsis of my own history with breathwork.
I have studied psychology on my own for thirty-some years (I am now fifty-two)
and have several of Grof's and Janov's books. (I think it's great
that Janov did actual experiments to show the brain changes taking place
during and following therapy sessions.)
In 1983 I was diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse
and was put on drugs that gave me seizures. The doctors just wanted
to give me more drugs, but instead I started getting involved with natural
therapies. In 1986 I started getting severe classic migraine headaches
(a repeat of what I
experienced in the second trimester of both
my pregnancies) and tried lots of different therapies that didn't work.
This led me into joining a holotropic breathwork workshop group in 1987.
I participated in group sessions once every six weeks over an eighteen-month
period. (During that time I got "rolfed" and after the third rolfing
session the classic migraines stopped.) The breathwork was extremely
healing -- on a deep emotional level.
I never experienced my actual birth experience,
but lots of other stuff came up, including what appeared to be past-life
memories and their connections in this life. After eighteen months
I found I could access stuff on my own, so I continued doing that in my
own home. (I was once a person who got depressed a great deal.
I rarely get depressed now, but if I ever do feel "depression" I know it
is a signal that something is ready to come up and be resolved.)
One time something incredible happened. I tapped into the planet
and "felt" the deep sorrow our Earth feels for what humankind has done
to it. (Not anger, but tremendous sadness.)
Again, thank you for replying and for your
generous offer.
Cheryl Ross
cheryl14@email.msn.com
17 August 2000
Mickel Adzema's (WebGuy's) Response:
I couldn't agree more with so much of what
you have written. Thank you for your courageous sharing.
Mickel
